Random Jokes

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen snort?
Enough to kill two and a half men.

Did you hear they have a new drink called the Osama Bin Laden?
Its two shots and a splash of water.

If you pickle a bread loaf, is it called a dildo?

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple?

What is worse that finding a worm in your apple?
Getting raped

What did the saggy boob say to the other?
"If we don't get support soon, people are going to think that we are nuts"

Why do women have such small feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove

Why did the woman cross the road?
The real question is what was she doing out of the kitchen?

Why don't women wear watches?
Because there's a clock on the stove

Confucius Say "Man who stand on toilet high on pot"

Confucius Say "Man who run behind car get exhausted"

Confucius Say "Man who wear G-string, high on crack"

How do you keep Helen Keller busy for 2 hours?
Give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

What did Helen Keller say when she fell off a cliff?
Nothing, she was wearing mittens

Have you seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she

What did Helen Keller's parents do when she swore?
They washed her hands with soap

How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Its a trick question, they still don't know they're in the dark.

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
Congress

Why did the woman cross the road?
The better question is what is she doing out of the kitchen

What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A Basketball player.

Why don't women wear watches?
Because there is a clock on the stove

How do you tell is a politician is lying?
Their lips are moving

What is worse that a male chauvinistic pig?
A woman who won't do what she is told